4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
