He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize