At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
why does every cop we meet know your name?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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