Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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