I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Yo dont text me then not text me
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
