i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
