I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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