And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
