You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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