to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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