Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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