Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
