This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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