a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
