I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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