I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
