Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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