At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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