getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
