i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
