im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
