So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
