He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
