She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You work out of a Hotel?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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