I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
