I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
