I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
