a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
