fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
