So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
