Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
