Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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