I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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