I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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