I swear she didn't look like that last week.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
