he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
why is half of my head shaved?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
