I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
