She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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