My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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