you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
