We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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