Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
