I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
