I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you would pick up someone in the library
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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