Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Floor bacon is actually really good
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
