Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
