I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
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All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize