do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
