And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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