You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
