Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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