dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize