just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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