i'm signing you up for texting rehab
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
