I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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