Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
