whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
