Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
