she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
