As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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