just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
