you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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