Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
