just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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